Trust Without Borders
I feel like I need to update you as to where we've been before I disclose where we are now. After all, it's been almost one entire year since I last updated this blog and that's telling in itself. I'd like to say that as many times as God placed the story of Abraham and Sarah in my path, I had learned patient waiting. That I was serenely going about my days with my hopes high and my mind concentrating on what God needed to show me in this moment before He led me to the next.
But, I wasn't.
I wouldn't say I was necessarily grumpy about our lack of progress, I think I was more ambivalent. I was neither one extreme or the other. I had honestly stopped fervently praying for God's guidance in our adoption because I had come to think that He had a timeline that I wasn't privy to, and I wasn't going to change His mind on those plans with the words I'd been whispering for the past 3 years. When? When will it be our time?
Dust Off Your Armor
At the end of July, I started Priscilla Shirer's study "The Armor of God." I was expecting it to be more teaching than application. But during the first week of lessons, she asked that we write in a circle our most pressing problems, and I hastily scribbled down "adoption process." No further elaboration or words needed. A couple of days letter the question was asked to prayerfully consider how the enemy's calculated deception could be playing a role in the situation. Record your thoughts. Here was my answer:
"He (Satan) is messing with one of the desires of my heart, leaving me hopeless and questioning God's direction and making me feel as though I should give up. It weakens my faith that God will do as He's promised, and if it works, he (Satan) wins at devastating the lives of our future children."
Then turn a few more pages to where we were asked to record what we'd been thinking, and I elaborated:
"With the adoption, it's worth asking myself during this time of waiting, why I've given up praying for movement, why I feel like God has made up His mind and it won't do any good. Satan finds satisfaction in my losing hope and joy. If I'm okay with accepting defeat, Satan will keep discouraging me because my acceptance renders me immobile."
And after having a time of discussion with my friend, who had words of encouragement and illumination, I began to pray anew that God would move. The time for giving up and giving in needed to come to an end.
Your Type of Crazy
While I do follow our adoption agency on Facebook, I don't always get their posts in my daily feed. So I was not aware of when they sent out a call for a family for siblings who were getting ready to be separated, but a friend saw it and placed it on my wall with the comment, "Christy, this looks like your type of crazy."
I honestly didn't think much when I sent the email to Lifeline other than, of course we would provide a home and a family before we would let these children be divided. I hit send and didn't hear anything from the agency that day. Mike came and had lunch at my work the next day, a Wednesday, and asked if I'd heard anything. I said no, but that I'm sure we weren't the only people who had inquired and to not get our hopes up. Two hours later when I opened the reply from Lifeline, I was floored not to find a "Thank you for your interest, but.." and instead had a picture and a general overview of a family of siblings in Costa Rica who needed a home. The agency wanted to talk with us, and after rushing home, together Mike and I placed the first phone call.
After an hour of basic information about us and the kids, we ended the call with Lifeline letting us know that we were not the only family that had asked after these children and they wanted to talk to everyone before reaching a decision.
All Things Will Be Possible
The very same day we took that first phone call, I opened my lesson for teaching 3rd and 4th grade that night to find the following verse:
"With God all things will be possible." Luke 1:37, ESV
If you look at the passage, the angel has just shared with Mary that not only will she bear a child, but her cousin Elizabeth is pregnant, even in her old age. The situation may seem crazy, but with God, all things will be possible. And that's exactly what I needed to hear because the call we'd answered, the logistics of how it would get accomplished and what would be needed....well, they seemed impossible. But those two words, "will be," whether I could see the how right that second or not, God was capable of bringing it about.
And so began two weeks of prayer...
Trust Without Borders
Throughout the past two weeks, Mike and I have prayed, close friends have prayed, we've had phone conferences and emails. We thought we'd have an answer at the end of week 1, but things began to stretch into week 2 and I had come to the conclusion that no news was as good as a no all together. But Lifeline reassured us that they were continuing to talk to the people in country as well as their group in Alabama and had yet to reach a decision.
All was well up until one last phone call that I actually wasn't a part of. Mike had spoken with one of the social workers this past Thursday who had called to ask how we thought we would handle certain possibilities once we came home. These weren't Christmas card pictures of perfection, these were very real possibilities of what can come from children who have lost their biological family and have spent extended time in orphanage care. It's hard stuff. It's scary stuff. It was all too much and too real and too overwhelming and I started to drown in my own fears.
What were we thinking? Why would we volunteer for this? What is this going to do to our family?
I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the day and came home feeling that I really had been crazy to send that first email. So when Mike called to tell me that he was on his way home because Lifeline was calling in the next 15 minutes and to pray for guidance, I found myself on the floor of my bathroom, sobbing, asking God to spare me the hard because I just didn't think I could handle it.
Not exactly the picture of those fabulous lyrics, "Spirit lead me to where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, wherever you may call me."
Trust without borders in our house looked like a grown woman huddled in her bed wrapped in a blanket with puffy eyes and sniffling while her husband prayed out loud for God to do what was best for these children and to guide us to where He would have us be. It's not my most shining moment, but I'm being honest and real when I say that God has brought me to place of humility where my next step on the water will only be with my eyes fixed on Him and a very real death grip on His hand, because on my own, I sink like a stone.
And Still We Said "Yes"
During that life changing phone call, I think we surprised the team at Lifeline when they let us know that they felt we were the best family for these siblings and we came back with a "Can we call you tomorrow? We need a little bit more time to pray about it." But that's what we did. And I paced the stones of our back patio warring with God over the sacrifice He was asking and the long list of unknowns and how I terrified I felt until all that was left was the message that we were called to say "yes."
And the next day we did.
You may think less of me for not being a jumping ball of excitement from the word "go," but a life grounded in faith isn't always easy. But as I'd told my youngest days earlier, "At some point you have to stop being a person who says she has faith in God, and you have to start living like you really do have faith that He's bigger than it all."
And we are.
On Friday, September 2, 2016, we accepted a referral for a set of siblings from Costa Rica. We will immediately begin the process of bringing home four daughters and one son, ages 3 to 12. If you're having trouble adding up the numbers, we're bringing home 5 more kids than the 3 we have now. And we won't be doing it without help.
Our most pressing need at the moment is that our house will be needing an additional room. Kentucky has a limit to how many children can be in a single room, so we'll need a little extra sleeping space. We have garage space that can be converted, but we need to get on it ASAP because our home study will need to okay the newest bedroom.
In addition, our van isn't large enough to hold us all. We'll have to spend a month and a half in Costa Rica and there is the cost of airfare and a place to stay during that time. I need four more beds and bedding and pillows and towels and a million other things. It'll take thousands of dollars we don't currently have, and we're hoping to have everyone home by next March or April. That's just six or seven months from now.
God has the right to close the door at any step, and we're trusting Him to take the lead. This step is huge. It's exciting. It's overwhelming. It's bigger than me or Mike. But it's possible because He said it is and I know He can.
But, I wasn't.
I wouldn't say I was necessarily grumpy about our lack of progress, I think I was more ambivalent. I was neither one extreme or the other. I had honestly stopped fervently praying for God's guidance in our adoption because I had come to think that He had a timeline that I wasn't privy to, and I wasn't going to change His mind on those plans with the words I'd been whispering for the past 3 years. When? When will it be our time?
Dust Off Your Armor
At the end of July, I started Priscilla Shirer's study "The Armor of God." I was expecting it to be more teaching than application. But during the first week of lessons, she asked that we write in a circle our most pressing problems, and I hastily scribbled down "adoption process." No further elaboration or words needed. A couple of days letter the question was asked to prayerfully consider how the enemy's calculated deception could be playing a role in the situation. Record your thoughts. Here was my answer:
"He (Satan) is messing with one of the desires of my heart, leaving me hopeless and questioning God's direction and making me feel as though I should give up. It weakens my faith that God will do as He's promised, and if it works, he (Satan) wins at devastating the lives of our future children."
Then turn a few more pages to where we were asked to record what we'd been thinking, and I elaborated:
"With the adoption, it's worth asking myself during this time of waiting, why I've given up praying for movement, why I feel like God has made up His mind and it won't do any good. Satan finds satisfaction in my losing hope and joy. If I'm okay with accepting defeat, Satan will keep discouraging me because my acceptance renders me immobile."
And after having a time of discussion with my friend, who had words of encouragement and illumination, I began to pray anew that God would move. The time for giving up and giving in needed to come to an end.
Your Type of Crazy
While I do follow our adoption agency on Facebook, I don't always get their posts in my daily feed. So I was not aware of when they sent out a call for a family for siblings who were getting ready to be separated, but a friend saw it and placed it on my wall with the comment, "Christy, this looks like your type of crazy."
I honestly didn't think much when I sent the email to Lifeline other than, of course we would provide a home and a family before we would let these children be divided. I hit send and didn't hear anything from the agency that day. Mike came and had lunch at my work the next day, a Wednesday, and asked if I'd heard anything. I said no, but that I'm sure we weren't the only people who had inquired and to not get our hopes up. Two hours later when I opened the reply from Lifeline, I was floored not to find a "Thank you for your interest, but.." and instead had a picture and a general overview of a family of siblings in Costa Rica who needed a home. The agency wanted to talk with us, and after rushing home, together Mike and I placed the first phone call.
After an hour of basic information about us and the kids, we ended the call with Lifeline letting us know that we were not the only family that had asked after these children and they wanted to talk to everyone before reaching a decision.
All Things Will Be Possible
The very same day we took that first phone call, I opened my lesson for teaching 3rd and 4th grade that night to find the following verse:
"With God all things will be possible." Luke 1:37, ESV
If you look at the passage, the angel has just shared with Mary that not only will she bear a child, but her cousin Elizabeth is pregnant, even in her old age. The situation may seem crazy, but with God, all things will be possible. And that's exactly what I needed to hear because the call we'd answered, the logistics of how it would get accomplished and what would be needed....well, they seemed impossible. But those two words, "will be," whether I could see the how right that second or not, God was capable of bringing it about.
And so began two weeks of prayer...
Trust Without Borders
Throughout the past two weeks, Mike and I have prayed, close friends have prayed, we've had phone conferences and emails. We thought we'd have an answer at the end of week 1, but things began to stretch into week 2 and I had come to the conclusion that no news was as good as a no all together. But Lifeline reassured us that they were continuing to talk to the people in country as well as their group in Alabama and had yet to reach a decision.
All was well up until one last phone call that I actually wasn't a part of. Mike had spoken with one of the social workers this past Thursday who had called to ask how we thought we would handle certain possibilities once we came home. These weren't Christmas card pictures of perfection, these were very real possibilities of what can come from children who have lost their biological family and have spent extended time in orphanage care. It's hard stuff. It's scary stuff. It was all too much and too real and too overwhelming and I started to drown in my own fears.
What were we thinking? Why would we volunteer for this? What is this going to do to our family?
I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the day and came home feeling that I really had been crazy to send that first email. So when Mike called to tell me that he was on his way home because Lifeline was calling in the next 15 minutes and to pray for guidance, I found myself on the floor of my bathroom, sobbing, asking God to spare me the hard because I just didn't think I could handle it.
Not exactly the picture of those fabulous lyrics, "Spirit lead me to where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, wherever you may call me."
Trust without borders in our house looked like a grown woman huddled in her bed wrapped in a blanket with puffy eyes and sniffling while her husband prayed out loud for God to do what was best for these children and to guide us to where He would have us be. It's not my most shining moment, but I'm being honest and real when I say that God has brought me to place of humility where my next step on the water will only be with my eyes fixed on Him and a very real death grip on His hand, because on my own, I sink like a stone.
And Still We Said "Yes"
During that life changing phone call, I think we surprised the team at Lifeline when they let us know that they felt we were the best family for these siblings and we came back with a "Can we call you tomorrow? We need a little bit more time to pray about it." But that's what we did. And I paced the stones of our back patio warring with God over the sacrifice He was asking and the long list of unknowns and how I terrified I felt until all that was left was the message that we were called to say "yes."
And the next day we did.
You may think less of me for not being a jumping ball of excitement from the word "go," but a life grounded in faith isn't always easy. But as I'd told my youngest days earlier, "At some point you have to stop being a person who says she has faith in God, and you have to start living like you really do have faith that He's bigger than it all."
And we are.
On Friday, September 2, 2016, we accepted a referral for a set of siblings from Costa Rica. We will immediately begin the process of bringing home four daughters and one son, ages 3 to 12. If you're having trouble adding up the numbers, we're bringing home 5 more kids than the 3 we have now. And we won't be doing it without help.
Our most pressing need at the moment is that our house will be needing an additional room. Kentucky has a limit to how many children can be in a single room, so we'll need a little extra sleeping space. We have garage space that can be converted, but we need to get on it ASAP because our home study will need to okay the newest bedroom.
In addition, our van isn't large enough to hold us all. We'll have to spend a month and a half in Costa Rica and there is the cost of airfare and a place to stay during that time. I need four more beds and bedding and pillows and towels and a million other things. It'll take thousands of dollars we don't currently have, and we're hoping to have everyone home by next March or April. That's just six or seven months from now.
God has the right to close the door at any step, and we're trusting Him to take the lead. This step is huge. It's exciting. It's overwhelming. It's bigger than me or Mike. But it's possible because He said it is and I know He can.
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