Bigger, Better, More, More, More!
I admit, I'm one who thinks in order to do more, I must have more first. And, this adoption was no different. Back when we started talking about whether we thought adoption was something our family should do, I told Mike, "I think we need a bigger house first." I know, right? Of all the things I thought we would need to start this journey, more square footage and a higher mortgage balance is what I chose to go with.
Thankfully, someone in our husband and wife duo tends to think more sensibly, so Mike's reply was, "You're right. It's crazy to think that a child with no family, in an orphanage, would want to live in our small house with a family to love them."
Well, if you're going to put it that way.....
It may seem like a silly thought to have, but it was my honest thinking at the time. I started evaluating whether we had what I thought this child would need, and I started to worry about where we could possibly be lacking. Having a house that has less than a sprawling mansion came to mind.
Ever been there?
Sure, you may not be adopting, but have you ever felt God was leading you to do something, and upon further introspection, you start to find all the ways you are not equipped to do the job? You begin an internal monologue, wherein you begin to question God's direction followed by a list of reasons why you can't possibly succeed, including all the things you are missing in order to reach success. I need more, more, more before I can begin. More wisdom, more insight, more biblical knowledge, more time, more money, more resources, more people who believe in me. The list can go on and on.
Right now I'm in the middle of Priscilla Shirer's Gideon bible study. There on pages of Day 5, titled "The Unseen Supply," are the words YOU HAVE ENOUGH. (she even put it in caps, that wasn't my emphasis) Oh, to believe that each and every day. That wherever God leads, we would know that we always have enough because the supplier of all needs has called us there. Yet given our realistic surrounding circumstances, we often find ourselves buried in doubt and fear that we have been called to the impossible.
Yes, I have moved on from thinking the four walls I can provide for this child don't have enough space between them. But, there are still days when I can start to think about how this could all go wrong. The great thing is, as my study group and I were reminded this evening, God is patient. Patient with His children who have trouble remembering that He cares enough to give them what they need.
As to a status update, we have been finger printed and are awaiting our police background checks and child abuse neglect checks from three different states! Explain that to other people without mentioning adoption as an explanation and they begin to speculate just what you've done to need such extensive investigation. You could really reduce the number of field trips and children's church you're invited to lead.
Saturday I'm hosting an open house where I'll be selling paintings and jewelry to help with our adoptions costs. Come Monday, our social worker will be sitting down in our house for the first time to begin our home study. Prayers are most certainly appreciated. Hopefully she'll find that it's large enough for one more child to call "home."
Comments
Post a Comment