What I'm Willing to Share
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
Before I begin sharing with you my thoughts, I need to preface this post by saying it is in no way intended to be a harsh scolding or to make anyone feel bad. Please, please don't take it that way. Instead, I'm hoping that this will give you a chance to stand in my shoes, to read my thoughts, to see things from my perspective.
That being said, most of the time when people hear that we are adopting 5 children, that we are actually connected to 5 lives that will become part of our family, that we know their names and ages and have seen a picture of them, the one question we're asked is, "Do you know what happened to their parents?"
Now thankfully, at this point in our adoption story, our kids aren't home with us yet and they haven't had to overhear this question. But for the most part, my answer will be that we really haven't been given much information at this point. And the truth is, we haven't.
I understand curiosity. I love a great story as well as the next person, wanting to see the big picture as if it were an epic drama at the theatre. What brought our family of five and five children in another country together? What happened in their past to get them to this point?
Well, here's what I'm willing to share:
Every adoption story is rooted in loss
I've yet to find an exception to this statement.
Whether the adoption was of a tiny infant placed in someone's arms hours after they were born or the 16 year-old adopted from the Ukraine, something brought that boy or girl to a point where they needed parents, needed a family, needed a home. Maybe they watched as AIDS slowly stole the life of their mother or father and after burying their parent, there were left alone. Maybe their parent became so consumed by drugs, they were neglected and left to care for themselves until social services stepped in. Maybe, after their parents discovered their child had a medical condition they felt ill equipped to handle, they left that child at a train station or a hotel in hopes that someone would find them and be able to take care of them. Or, possibly, they came to their new home at 3 o'clock in the morning with nothing but the clothes on their back, not knowing the foster parent who stood at the door of a house they'd never seen before, and never really getting a chance to say goodbye to the life they'd known up till that moment.
Whatever the case may be, no matter how beautiful the outcome is in the end, there just isn't a way to erase the painful past. It creates deep scars in a person's soul, and leaks out in waves of anger and grief and sadness. Honestly, I don't want to force anyone to relive the lowest, darkest points of their life. That isn't the type of thing one picks for casual conversation.
Now, maybe someday they'll choose to share their story with others. But, it will be their choice. If you ask me my adoption story, I'm more than willing to tell you about a teenage girl who wasn't ready to be a mother and a childless couple who'd been waiting a long time to bring a child into their lives. It's my history, and I'm old enough and mature enough to see how blessed I was to be placed with my mother and father, and I have nothing prayers of thankfulness for the woman who chose to give me life and a stable family. But I'm 41. My beginning was many, many years ago.
Our children are strong and brave
When we said yes to bringing home our 5 kiddos, I hadn't had time to process that they, themselves, had said yes to international adoption. They didn't have to. They were given the choice to stick together, or to divide in hopes that maybe a few of the 5 would find a family. Their social worker explained to them what being adopted internationally would mean and that they'd be moving to a foreign country. They chose to stay together and to step out into the unknown, and we want to honor their choice, their bond with each other, and their undying hope that maybe someone would be willing to give all 5 of them a home. Given their ages, I'm not sure they understand fully just what it will look like to give up the land and language and culture they've grown up in to come here, but we're sure gonna give it a try and cling to God's promise to heal the brokenhearted and bind us together as one big family. In my eyes, our 5 ticos already amaze me. Our children are braver than they probably even realize, and hopefully we will be able to encourage and build them up so they see it in themselves as well.
Our Prayers & Praises:
Before I begin sharing with you my thoughts, I need to preface this post by saying it is in no way intended to be a harsh scolding or to make anyone feel bad. Please, please don't take it that way. Instead, I'm hoping that this will give you a chance to stand in my shoes, to read my thoughts, to see things from my perspective.
That being said, most of the time when people hear that we are adopting 5 children, that we are actually connected to 5 lives that will become part of our family, that we know their names and ages and have seen a picture of them, the one question we're asked is, "Do you know what happened to their parents?"
Now thankfully, at this point in our adoption story, our kids aren't home with us yet and they haven't had to overhear this question. But for the most part, my answer will be that we really haven't been given much information at this point. And the truth is, we haven't.
I understand curiosity. I love a great story as well as the next person, wanting to see the big picture as if it were an epic drama at the theatre. What brought our family of five and five children in another country together? What happened in their past to get them to this point?
Well, here's what I'm willing to share:
Every adoption story is rooted in loss
I've yet to find an exception to this statement.
Whether the adoption was of a tiny infant placed in someone's arms hours after they were born or the 16 year-old adopted from the Ukraine, something brought that boy or girl to a point where they needed parents, needed a family, needed a home. Maybe they watched as AIDS slowly stole the life of their mother or father and after burying their parent, there were left alone. Maybe their parent became so consumed by drugs, they were neglected and left to care for themselves until social services stepped in. Maybe, after their parents discovered their child had a medical condition they felt ill equipped to handle, they left that child at a train station or a hotel in hopes that someone would find them and be able to take care of them. Or, possibly, they came to their new home at 3 o'clock in the morning with nothing but the clothes on their back, not knowing the foster parent who stood at the door of a house they'd never seen before, and never really getting a chance to say goodbye to the life they'd known up till that moment.
Whatever the case may be, no matter how beautiful the outcome is in the end, there just isn't a way to erase the painful past. It creates deep scars in a person's soul, and leaks out in waves of anger and grief and sadness. Honestly, I don't want to force anyone to relive the lowest, darkest points of their life. That isn't the type of thing one picks for casual conversation.
Now, maybe someday they'll choose to share their story with others. But, it will be their choice. If you ask me my adoption story, I'm more than willing to tell you about a teenage girl who wasn't ready to be a mother and a childless couple who'd been waiting a long time to bring a child into their lives. It's my history, and I'm old enough and mature enough to see how blessed I was to be placed with my mother and father, and I have nothing prayers of thankfulness for the woman who chose to give me life and a stable family. But I'm 41. My beginning was many, many years ago.
Our children are strong and brave
When we said yes to bringing home our 5 kiddos, I hadn't had time to process that they, themselves, had said yes to international adoption. They didn't have to. They were given the choice to stick together, or to divide in hopes that maybe a few of the 5 would find a family. Their social worker explained to them what being adopted internationally would mean and that they'd be moving to a foreign country. They chose to stay together and to step out into the unknown, and we want to honor their choice, their bond with each other, and their undying hope that maybe someone would be willing to give all 5 of them a home. Given their ages, I'm not sure they understand fully just what it will look like to give up the land and language and culture they've grown up in to come here, but we're sure gonna give it a try and cling to God's promise to heal the brokenhearted and bind us together as one big family. In my eyes, our 5 ticos already amaze me. Our children are braver than they probably even realize, and hopefully we will be able to encourage and build them up so they see it in themselves as well.
Our Prayers & Praises:
- Praise that God has surrounded us with such generous, willing servants that have given of their days off and vacation days to change our garage into another bedroom. Seriously, we have been blown away by the work that has gotten and friends who are willing to spend countless hours getting things done. It is the body of Christ mobile and active and living out their faith in our home. Prayers as we continue the remodel, that it would go smoothly and be finished without any delays.
- Praise that we had an organization agree to match our yard sale earning up to $1,056 and for the many, many, many donations people have given of stuff to sell. It's gonna be huge! Prayers as we get it all together for this Saturday. Prayers for good weather, no rain, lots of buyers, and chances to share our story and encourage other to do their part in caring for the fatherless.
- Praise for friends who have been praying over our family. One was even kind enough to stop her day, hold my hand and pray out loud right after we finished talking about some of my fears. You will never, never, never know how much my heart swells with love and gratitude for those words that not only God heard, but my ears did as well.
- Prayers as we continue to finish up our revised home study and gather up dossier documents. We're hoping to stick with our timeline and get everything to Costa Rica before the shut down for the Christmas holiday, so prayers for smooth sailing would be MUCH appreciated!
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